5 Things That Can Actually Help Someone With Aphasia

You don't need the right words. You need to show up, learn, and understand.

Most people who freeze up around someone they know with aphasia are not unkind. They're nervous. They are scared. They don't know what to do with the silence, so they fill it, or rush it, or quietly step back from it. And without meaning to, they end up making the person feel smaller instead of seen.

At Koach Eitan, we hear the same request again and again, from families, synagogues, and communities who want to understand this better and get this right: please come and explain and just tell us how to.

So, here's what we tell people. Not a list of mistakes to avoid — because chasing the "right" thing to say is part of what makes this so hard in the first place. Five things that make the biggest difference, once you know them.

1. Slow down.

Many people with aphasia says this more than almost anything else: people talk too fast. Aphasia isn't a hearing problem — it's a language one. Finding words, or processing them, takes real time and real effort. When you slow your own pace, pause between sentences, and give your words room to land, you're not talking down to someone. You're giving them space to keep up on their own terms. That's the whole thing.

2. Ask before you jump in.

You can see someone reaching for a word. You think you know what it is. The instinct is to just say it for them — to close the gap, to help. But you might be wrong, and even when you're right, finishing their sentence takes something from them: the chance to get there themselves, and the dignity of being heard on their own terms.

The fix isn't to stay silent and let them struggle. It's to ask — and it can help to ask permission first. "Can I check something with you?" Then: "Are you thinking of the hospital?" That's completely different from simply saying, "You mean the hospital." One hands the sentence back to them. The other takes it.

3. Eyes on them, not your phone.

Eye contact isn't just polite here — it's functional. Many people with aphasia lean on facial expression and lip movement to understand and to be understood. When you check your phone or look away, you're not just being distracted. You're removing the tool they need. Sitting at the same level, phone down, background noise turned down where you can, attention on them — those alone changes what a conversation feels like.

4. No cross-conversation.

This one's easy to miss. It's the moment a conversation starts happening around someone instead of with them — a spouse or aide answering for them, a group talking past them to fill a silence, a meal or gathering with a lot of people at once. Even when it comes from a good place, it teaches the room that this person is someone to be managed rather than someone to talk to — and it's genuinely hard to keep up with several conversations happening at the same time. Keep the conversation addressed to them, even when it's slower, even when it takes longer to get there.

5. Stay, even when it's slow.

This is the one that matters most, and it's not really a technique — it's a decision. The other four only work if you don't leave the conversation before it's finished. Staying, past the awkward pause, past the moment you're not sure what to do, is the whole point.

One More Thing We Want You to Know

None of this is about getting it perfect. You'll get it wrong sometimes — everyone does, including people who've been doing this for years. That's not the part that matters.

What we hear most from the people we support isn't that someone said the wrong thing. It's that people stopped showing up. Not out of cruelty — out of fear, out of not knowing how, and that discomfort turning into distance. Conversations got shorter. Invitations quietly stopped. Not because anyone said something hurtful, but because too many people didn't know what to do with the silence, so they left it — and eventually, left the room.

So, if you take one thing from this: you don't need the right words. You need to stay. Slow down, ask instead of assuming or guessing, keep your eyes on them, keep them in the conversation — and let the rest be imperfect.

If you want to go deeper, our free "Let's Talk" guide walks through all of this with real examples from real families. Download it, share it with someone who needs it.

To learn more about brain injury, stroke and aphasia, or to connect with the Koach Eitan community, visit koacheitan.com.